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Forgive those who hurt us? How is this possible? Seriously, can it be done? Why do we have to do it?<\/p>\n
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Most people (I include myself) find it hard to forgive, especially to those who have hurt or offended us. Some of you are probably still going through the pain of being offended, fooled, abused or lied to. Honestly, I have a difficulty myself. I don\u2019t think I can do it on my own.<\/p>\n
However, forgiveness is a spiritual quality. It needs someone better than us to do it. That’s Jesus.<\/p>\n
While we cannot forgive sin, we need to forgive. In this case, it is not forgiving sin because only God can and has forgiven sin. It is about releasing the other person. As a counselor, I have learned three things that I feel can help us forgive.<\/p>\n
Give up your right to get even. <\/strong><\/p>\n Is there someone we hate? Is there someone we feel bitter about? Surrender your bitterness. Relinquish your anger. Easier said than done, right? Yes. Well, we have to start by letting the person who has hurt us off the hook. That\u2019s not fair, you say? You\u2019re right. Forgiveness isn\u2019t fair. Allow me to repeat. Forgiveness isn\u2019t fair. You see, it wasn\u2019t fair when God forgave you. Therefore, it\u2019s not fair for you to forgive someone else. Forgiveness is not about being fair. It is about being gracious.<\/em> God is gracious to us. In reality, He doesn’t give us what is fair. He doesn\u2019t give us what we deserve. Instead, he gives us what we need. He lavishes us with his abundant blessings beyond fair because of his love for us.<\/p>\n The apostle Paul tells us in Romans 12:19 (TLB), \u201cNever avenge yourselves. Leave that to God, for he has said that he will repay those who deserve it.\u201d The first step to forgiveness is to make a commitment to not take justice into our own hands. Let God be our impartial judge.<\/p>\n One of the early leaders of the church, Stephen, was stoned to death only because he was a Christian. Was he vengeful and upset? Before he died, he said, \u201cLord do not hold this sin against them\u201d Acts 7:60.<\/p>\n Jesus was asked how often we should forgive someone who sins against us. His answer? 70 times seven. Or in other words, we just keep forgiving. It means that every time we recall how we\u2019ve been hurt, we need to just release it.<\/p>\n But then, how do we know when we\u2019ve totally released the hurt?<\/p>\n It doesn\u2019t hurt any more. You might have to forgive someone a thousand times to make that a reality. But every time the pain comes to your mind you say, \u201cGod, I give it to you again. For the hundredth time, Lord, I\u2019m letting them off the hook and relinquishing my right to get even.\u201d You see, every time you rehearse the hurt, you make the pain deeper. But every time you release it, the pain gets weaker in your life.<\/p>\n Focus on God\u2019s purpose for your life.<\/strong><\/p>\n We can either focus on the past or the future \u2013 choose. We can\u2019t do both. Concentrate on what God wants to do in your life. If we keep on focusing on the person who has hurt us, then we are in bondage. We are under the control of the destructive attitude we have.<\/p>\n Bitterness can make us sick. We don\u2019t want anyone who has hurt us in the past to control us in the present. Instead, we need to understand that God has given us freedom in Christ. God does not want us to continue living in bondage of our ignorance. He wants us to see that we have been given a freed life. When we understand this, it is going to be easier to release those people who pained us.<\/p>\n Truth be told, if we don\u2019t let go the person who has harmed us, then we will resemble him or her. Do you know that whatever you focus on, you\u2019ll become like him or her? If you focus on pain, that\u2019s what you move toward. If you focus on purpose, that\u2019s what you move toward. A friend of mine once said, “To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.”<\/p>\n How do you do that? The Bible tells us in Job 11: 13-16, \u201cPut your heart right<\/em>, reach out to God\u2026then face the world again, firm and courageous. Then all your troubles will fade from your memory, like floods that are past and remembered no more.\u201d<\/p>\n Put your heart right.<\/em> That means do the right thing. Take the high road by forgiving the person. Let him or her off the hook. Difficult? Reach out to God. Pray to Jesus Christ to come into the situation and immerse you into his love.<\/p>\n
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<\/a>God\u2019s ways are different. When Jesus Christ came as flesh and blood, he introduced a totally different approach. He lived and taught what grace is all about. The apostle Paul tells us in Romans 12:21 (NIV), \u201cDon\u2019t be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.\u201d There\u2019s a lot of evil in this world. God teaches us that we don\u2019t overcome it by criticizing it. We overcome it with good.<\/p>\n